Profiling Detroit Red Wings Villains: Boston Bruins


Over the next 30 days, Octopus Thrower profiles every Detroit Red Wings “villain” in the NHL. Today we take a closer look at the Boston Bruins. Much of these comments shouldn’t be taken seriously.

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Team Name:

Boston Bruins



Fansided Foe:

Causeway Crowd 

Games Against Them:

Red Wings @ Bruins – Nov 14;

Bruins @ Red Wings – Nov 25;

Bruins @ Red Wings – Feb 14

; Red Wings @ Bruins – April 7. (Home games bolded)

Last Year’s Results:

Bruins won season series 3-1.

Results: 10/19 – Red Wings 2, Bruins 1; 10/15 Bruins 3, Red Wings 2 (SO); 12/29 – Bruins 5, Red Wings 2; 4/2 – Bruins 3, Red Wings 2.

Head Coach:

Claude Julien

Last Season’s Results:

41-27-14; Missed Playoffs

Watch Out For These Guys:

Who’s left? (Kidding) D

Zdeno Chara

; G

Tuukka Rask

; C

Patrice Bergeron

; LW

Brad Marchand

Farmhands Worth Noting:

Malcolm Subban, G; Ryan Spooner, C; Alexander Khoklachev, C; David Pastrnak, RW; Zane McIntyre, G.

Why Boston worries us:

Well a year ago they were a lot scarier. Now? They got rid of the architect of the best run of Boston hockey since the early to mid 90’s  because, well, the Bruins’

identity was being lost

. The new guy, Don Sweeney, absolutely biffed on two draft picks (Boston had 13-14-15 and took their time making three consecutive picks.) They strung Dougie Hamilton around and traded him for magic beans. Slow clap with a smirk.

Regardless of the boneheadedness, it’s still a tough draw. Rask is always a problem between the pipes, Bergeron is one of the best two-way players in the game, and the vast majority of last season’s issues were because of injury. Though, we had more man lost injuries in 2014 and still made it. With less talent. Just saying.

Starting Goaltender:

Tuukka Rask

Sieve, Savior or Somewhere in Between?

Savior. Rask’s season really typifies how the Bruins will go. This is not the same team in front of him in years past. Many of the cogs are gone (Lucic, Hamilton, Soderberg), and replaced by guys that don’t have a similar pedigree. Rask is still a high caliber goaltender, but it will be tougher for him to maintain the good numbers, especially with the defense now relying on an aging Chara.

8 Quick Thoughts about the Boston Bruins

4 Things We Respect About You:

  1. Patrice Bergeron is hands down one of the best two-way forwards in the game
  2. Rask is in the top five of goaltenders in the game.
  3. Nearly a quarter of the Miracle on Ice roster was from Massachusetts.
  4. You finally had the sense to exorcise the demon known as Milan Lucic.

4 Things We Hate About You:

(Yes, we’ll be snarky. You should expect that for this section).

  1. Zdeno Chara. A dirty lumberjack on skates who cries whenever he’s touched.
  2. Milan Lucic. Yeah he’s gone, but he pretty much embodied the “identity” you chose to conduct. (It’s called thug hockey to everyone else). We haven’t forgiven him for the Danny Dekeyser spear and the Boston media acting as if it wasn’t that big of a deal.
  3. The 2014 Playoffs. It was pretty embarrassing. Save a Pavel Datsyuk goal in Game 1 and you probably sweep us without breaking a sweat. That’s not really your fault, but we still hate you for it.
  4. Brad Marchand. It’s a toss up between Lucic and Marchand as to the bigger jerk in the Bruins sweater. Then again, it’s a toss up between Marchand and Ben Affleck as to who’s the better actor out of Boston. Marchand has put on some terrific performances on the ice–here are some of his finest.

Playoff Threat Level  (1-10, 1 being minimal)

4. I don’t think it’s fair to completely exclude the Bruins. There’s a lot of danger still in that lineup, but this is a shell of what it once was. A Wild Card berth isn’t out of the question, but that’s banking an awful lot on a roster that is less talented than the one from the previous season.

Final Thoughts

Welcome to rebuilding on the fly. Not as easy as it looks, is it? While we wish no ill-will, we will also not feel any sympathy for you. Who’s laughing now, Zdeno?

Next: Ranking the Red Wings Original Six Rivalries

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