During this lockout, we have to find things to make us happy. Lovingly thinking about the hockey we’re missing brings bittersweet tears to our eyes. A big part of hockey as a Red Wings fan is getting to watch games on television with the best damned commentators in the business: Ken Daniels and Mickey Redmond. Also Larry Murphy and some other people at Fox Sports Detroit. I’ve partnered up with Mike from over at the 3rd Round Draft Pick and we’ve come up with a little something for you Wings fans out there for when we finally get our hockey back.
We give to you: The Fox Sports Detroit Sportscaster Drinking Game: Red Wings Edition.
It’s simple. As you’re watching your favorite hockey team, keep an ear tuned to the guys in the booth and Larry between the benches. You’ll notice motifs and colloquialisms that make the broadcast that much more fun and special. As you watch, follow the directions listed below. In true form, it’s not so much of a “drinking game” as it is providing you with an excuse to get as trashed as you possibly can, as well as providing a system to facilitate that goal as quickly as possible.
We’ll be surprised if you can even make it through the pre-game coverage. Possibly giving a whole new definition to “pre-gaming”. Enjoy!
(intro written by Mike)
It is highly advised that you attempt this game on a full stomach.
Take One Drink:
-Anytime Larry Murphy uses the phrase “This is a guy” during his analysis of a player.
-Mickey Redmond chastises the referees for not dropping the puck fast enough on a face off
-Larry Murphy bungles his way through commentary that, while accurate, is embarrassingly bad and/or obvious
-When Shannon Hogan/Ryan Field talk and you actually listen to what they have to say
-Larry Murphy EMPHASIZES every OTHER word WHENEVER he TALKS.
-Mickey mentions wood sticks and not the composite sticks that always break.
-Mickey talks about a player that loses his “hat”.
-Anytime Ken Daniels elongates his vowels during his play-by-play. Doesn’t count when he yells “Scores!” after a Red Wing goal.
-If they try to show a highlight and either queue up the wrong highlight, don’t show the section the commentators wanted to show, or the video sits there paused for a solid second or two before playing.
-Anytime that stupid BELLE TIRE tire with creepy arms and legs starts talking
-Ken Daniels references “old time hockey” to try to goad Mickey into reminiscing
-John Keating says “Ken Daniels, Mickey Redmond, Take it away!” before they cut back to Ken and Mickey.
-Mick refers to you, the viewer, as “gang”.
Take Two Drinks:
-Anytime John Keating makes a terrible pun in the pregame show or intermission interview.
-Anytime Ken Daniels mentions someone who played in the CCHA
-Larry Murphy bungles his way through commentary that, while accurate, is embarrassingly bad and/or obvious AND Ken Daniels responds in a tone where you can tell he’s obviously exasperated.
-Anytime Mickey uses the phrase “Ginger Ale”
-If Mickey Redmond cannot answer the Red Wings trivia question correctly
-If Larry Murphy interrupts Ken and Mick
-When the guys attempt to figure out what the fuck penalty is being called and why
-When they “throw it back to the guys in the Call Sam Studies” for an update about something that isn’t Red Wings hockey
-Mickey mentions Glenn Hall painting his barn instead of going to training camp.
Take Three Drinks:
-If Mickey Redmond refers to a Red Wings player as “kid”, “kiddo” or some other nickname indicating the player is young, and that player is over the age of 30.
-When Mickey accidently drops a “hell”, “damn”, or other minor curse word.
-If Mickey Redmond answers the Red Wings trivia question correctly
-If you actually see Larry Murphy drinking from his “water bottle”
-Anytime someone compliments Mikael Samuelsson’s hockey abilities (5 drinks for Kevin)
-If Larry Murphy interrupts Ken and Mick and adds nothing of value to the conversation
-If you can tell that Mickey is having to physically restrain himself from calling bullshit on the referees. Also yell at the television.
-Whenever Ken, Mick and Larry get the reviewed call wrong, or if they refuse since the replay operators are high most of the time.
-Whenever “1 Dollar Hot Dog Night” is mentioned, you take a drink and then make a movie reference that hasn’t been relevant in the past 10 years. (Ex: Ace Ventura, The Mask…any Jim Carrey movie ever, really)
-When Mickey scribbles a John Madden-esque telestrator diagram, take a shot and then yell “BOOM!” as loud as you can.
-If Mickey says “Ay-yai-yai…” take a drink for every syllable
-Whenever anyone says something about Gustav Nyquist, smile and remind yourself how lucky you are to watch him play on the Wings.
-Anytime they show an old picture of Mickey Redmond, bask in the glory of the mutton chops.
-If they bring that guy who was apparently a goal, but he’s so forgettable that I can’t remember his name, to give analysis during the period breaks, turn on something else.
-If Mickey Redmond uses any of his patented catch phrases such as: “Bingo-Bango!”, “OH BABY!”, “Holy Jumpin’…” or “Holy Mackrel!” then pound the bottle because you just won the fucking game.
-If at any point you find yourself really missing the guys over at NHL on NBC, kill yourself.
So there you have it. Just like any good drinking game, you can feel free to add your own rules and addendum Hopefully we’ll all get a chance to try this out really soon.
(Please visit Mike’s page: 3rd Round Draft Pick and follow him on the Twitter device)